It's the M&M's!!!

I am not sure what a mid-life crisis looks like, but I can’t be going through that since I am too young…so I am going to call it a mini-meltdown. We will call it M&M for short because it doesn’t sound as crazy and well, I love M&M’s.  My M&M is no reason for concern; I am getting out of bed, showering, taking care of my kids, going to work, still functioning on all levels…so no need for concern. Like everything always does, things are changing in my life and I am just living in my head too much while these changes are happening. It is sort of funny writing about this mini-meltdown, because it sounds ridiculous, but I have this blog is to document what is going on in REAL life.

What is the deal with this M&M?  I have just noticed that things I was once passionate about haven’t really been getting me too excited lately. Friendships are changing. The wrinkles on my forehead are getting deeper. Things that were normal aren’t anymore. Some people aren’t in my life anymore. My iron is low.  This whole “getting healthy” thing is for sure slower than the slowest thing on earth, because I haven’t totally committed. I am not going to sit here and feed you with all the excuses that I can think of. The truth is my commitment has been bare minimum and the excuses have won. I haven’t worked out.  I think about it sometimes, but thinking about it doesn’t do anything for me.  I continue to make small changes every day and my eating habits have changed drastically, but lack of preparation for “life” is my major downfall.

Sounds so hilarious when I go and read what I have written. It makes me think I am having a Zoolander moment!!

I am working through my M&M in my own way and am sure I will be back to normal in no time…whatever that means. In the meantime, keep on swimming and carrying on with your life!!!

Yep, I am still here!!

Haven't posted in a while so thought I would let you all know that I am still here and I am still taking one baby step at a time. I don't know about you, but summer is a tempting time with all the BBQ's and summer cocktails....shoot!!! I have been going to AA meetings, I mean WW meetings, mostly for the accountability...and I am not going to lie, I laugh at all the silly things they do. For example, they hand out little clappers before each meeting and then when someone hits a goal or they do something good, everyone cheers and claps! Definitely not knocking it, because it obviously works and something about getting those little stickers really gives you that little boost....now I know how kids feel when they have a chore chart!!! Speaking of silly things, I made these:

 The picture isn't the best, but it is basically one jar of "pounds to lose" and one jar of "pounds lost". I am a visual person and instead of getting frustrated because I can't see a huge difference in the mirror, I just look at these every day....and YES, that is a salsa jar and it was delicious!!
So, do whatever you have to do even if it is silly to some!!

Are You a Rebel?

I am typically a pretty well-behaved person and I follow most of the rules. Just ask my husband, he makes fun of me because I won’t cross an intersection if it doesn’t say it is "ok" to walk! For the 2 times a year that I cook, I follow the recipes word-for-word, no substituting going on here!  I am one of those people that read through the instructions to make sure that I use whatever it is properly.

Rule follower for sure…except when it comes to dieting. When someone tells me I can’t have something it triggers something inside of me and my first reaction is, oh yeah? Watch me!!!!! After I had Brooklynn I decided it would be a good idea to try a fitness bootcamp where they are up in your face while you do push-ups and other workouts. This was SERIOUS people; I wore a weighted vest and had to yell out cadences while wearing war paint!!!! Anyway, the diet plan for this was NO dairy, bread, soda, or pasta! I did great at the workouts, but because my stubborn ass wouldn’t stick to the diet plan, I didn’t get the results I could have. Such a rebel!!! Are you a rebel like me? How is that working out for you? It sure as hell hasn’t worked out for me in the past. Good thing I am not on a diet and have chosen to call it a lifestyle change or who knows how bad I could screw up????

Guess What Day It Is?

Nope, not hump day! It is Monday and that means that you promised yourself this weekend that no matter what you would start your diet….program…..clean eating….working out….whatever it is on Monday. Well, it is here again! I give you credit for starting even if it is for the 320^th time!!! I am right there with ya!

Can You See It?

I always think about an English class I had in high school where the teacher said if you wanted to achieve your goals you had to write them down or in this case put them where I could see them.  I have always been too picky when it comes to creating my vision board thinking I couldn’t do it unless I had a really nice cork board and then I would have to find the perfect picture….just procrastinating and NEVER ever getting one completed. Well, until today. I just did it and it is done and it is not perfect and I don’t care. Here it is and I only numbered it so I could explain each picture. Before you read this you may think it is selfish and you are right, it is, but where has it gotten me putting everyone else before myself? I am stuck in this cycle just doing things for others and not myself, never feeling accomplished, and never challenging myself to be better. 

   

1.  I want to wear leggings and actually look cute in them. Lots of people wear them….and shouldn’t, but I think they are cute on certain people. I would also like to wear boots that go over my calves. Always had to find certain ones and pay more to have them fit.  
2.  I don’t necessarily want a neck like a giraffe, but I want a “skinny” neck. No more double chin!
3. When I get dressed or un-dressed I avoid the mirror like the plague and if my husband comes in the room while I am changing I scramble to cover up. Doesn’t make sense since I have had 2 kids with him. 
4. TMI and goes right along with #3. I want to be comfortable with myself and around my husband. I don’t want to hide behind a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt.
5. I freaking SNORE!! It started when I was pregnant and was sure that it was because my boobs were suffocating me in my sleep, but it never went away after I had my baby. Convinced it is a weight thing and my boobs are still suffocating me! I am so self-conscious about it and I won’t go anywhere that people may be affected by it. 
6. I want to wear shorts! I haven’t worn shorts in years and would love to wear them comfortably without scaring away little children and having my thighs rub together so much that I have major chaffing. I don’t even want to wear the ones where my hoo-ha hangs out, just above the knee shorts….not too much to ask.
7. I want to enjoy hiking, camping, or any outdoor activity really. Being out-of-shape really makes me feel un-comfortable and I miss out on simple things.
8.  I would like wear and own a swimsuit. Again, no need for me to wear a bikini, just a simple one piece. 
9. I want to be strong both physically and mentally. The end.
10. Maternity underwear. Yep, I still got them and I still wear them and my son turned 1 in February. I understand that they are not one bit attractive, but dammit they are so comfortable! I know they gotta go...
11. The “little black dress” I want to own one and wear it out and get a compliment for how nice I look!
12.  I call these blingy butt jeans and honestly I don’t even care if they have bling on the butt, but I want to buy a pair of jeans that aren’t “mom jeans” that I bought at Sam’s Club. 
13. Let’s just say the last time I wore a belt was when those braided belts were popular.
14.  Not having to worry about hiding my muffin top would be great, I would even tuck my shirt in!
15.  My arms have always been my weakest-most-hated part of my body. Sick of having lunch lady arms.  Would love to be able to rock a tank-top!
16. I bought an outfit to workout in that looks similar to this. Tried it on and laughed my ass off, because who needs a goal to be able to wear cute workout clothes? ME!!!
17. I am tired of letting food control me and stop me from doing things that I want to do or going places I want to go. I want to eat to live and not constantly live in regret for things that I put in my body. You would think this would be easy and it might be for you, but for me it is a REAL struggle that I deal with every second of the day. 

I am going to put this baby up on my bathroom mirror. Maybe I will just make copies and put it everywhere. Do you have one? I would love to see it.